Gender Reveal Etiquette

[Flasher]

Alright, time for me to stir up the bee's nest again. 

Yesterday I got an invitation to my cousin's Gender Reveal Party.  Inside was a note that reads:

"Please be sure your gift is useful and NON-GENDER specific.  We suggest diapers, bottles, wipes, etc.  Anything Melissa and Scott can use regardless of gender.  Please, no Dollar Store items.  Make your gift count.  Once the long awaited news on the gender is revealed, you can plan on a more specific baby gift for her upcoming shower in August."

It's no secret that I am pretty old fashioned, so maybe I'm out of the current social loop.  But, is this a new thing to have basically two parties, while expecting gifts for both parties -- even though you are only celebrating one event?  Am I missing something here?  And the tone . . . the "Make your gift count" comment.  I was kind of offended even though it's family.

Any thoughts on this?

[sherelm]

I thought "Gender Reveal" party and Baby Shower was an "either/or" event.  Not both.  I'd be offended.  But saying that, it would be something my DIL would pull.  She's one of those "It's all about me" people.  I'm praying she never ever gets pregnant for the child's sake. 

[sherelm]

On second thought, why don't you post a TOT question and mail it to your family member and say "Which event would you plan, a baby shower OR a gender reveal shower? 

[Flasher]

By the way -- it's not that I'm cheap or anything.  I just can't believe that asking for gifts is the new norm.  I thought gender reveal parties were just a celebration to rejoice in the news and eat food!

[scrappinmom99]

Hmmm? I've never been invited to a gender reveal party. I would treat it like a "wishing well" present and do the big thing for the baby shower. I am just too nosy to pass up 2 parties, hahaha!!!

[average_kim]

By the way -- it's not that I'm cheap or anything.  I just can't believe that asking for gifts is the new norm.  I thought gender reveal parties were just a celebration to rejoice in the news and eat food!

Me, too!  I guess they're (and I'm sure, everyone else) is taking this to another level.  I think it's rude to specify gifts and call out the Dollar Store like that... I'm old-fashioned, too!

A cousin of mine is getting married late this month, and I was a bit offended to get a note in the wedding shower invite to bring an unopened bottle of liquor to stock the wedding bar, and your name will be put in a drawing for a prize.  I've also seen where they do this at baby showers to bring a bag of diapers...  Rude!  (Because I almost always include diapers with my gift.  After 3 kids you realize that's the staple item!)  On the wedding liquor--that's just plain rude to not supply your reception items yourself... and I thought I should bring one beer ... lol.

Ugh, maybe I'm a little more than a bit offended.  If the relative is close, I'd call them up and let them know that they are never too good for Dollar Store gifts!  I have reminded my daughter that before on discount/big box stores!

[DolphinSoul]

I would be offended too! I thought it was a celebration of all of it to have family together, not gifts on both. I've never been invited to one and actually think they are a joke. I used to love getting baby invites about them having a baby girl or boy and when the baby shower was to 'shower' the mother with gifts for her and the little one. Now it seems like a big deal. Really baby showers have always sort of been gender neutral at times anyway...I mean those ultrasounds can be wrong. SO mainly diapers, onesies, blankets, strollers, necessities were always brought to the showers. So really waiting until the baby is born...and its a successful birth, god for bid....then get more intimate gender items. 

I also think its a slap in the face to ask for the gifts to count and not Dollar Store. Its like really?? How are you going to know where I shop and you should be grateful and appreciative that your getting anything. In this day and age, money is tight...and to be critical on what you receive is joke. Family or not. 

[traveler]

 I have never been to a gender reveal thing. I don't even believe in baby showers, but that's a cultural thing and I get it. I believe you wait until you have a healthy baby and then people can buy gifts, if they choose. But that's me and my superstitions, I didn't find out the gender and didn't have a shower, but I don't judge or disapprove of those who do.

As for the "make your gift count" comment, I would definitely be offended. Some people can't really afford that, or 2 gifts, and shouldn't be made to feel guilty. One of my husband's cousins gave the smallest gift for my son's Bar Mitzvah. They just bought a house and are super sweet and generous people. I'm so concerned that something is going wrong at one of their jobs or they can't afford their house. I would never want to someone to give me or my kids a gift they couldn't afford or didn't really want to give. You invite people because you like them, not because of the gift they might give. 

I suppose I have strong opinions on this topic. Feel free to ignore me. 

[beachlover]

My niece  is very "modern" with all that stuff.  She was given A baby shower the first time.  The second time she was expecting they had a baby reveal party, we brought little gifts.  No baby shower.  I don't think she did either for her 3rd child.

My DIL however had 2 boys, so once we found out baby #3 was a girl, we planned a surprise "sprinkling" which is basically a  baby shower for a mom who either doesn't have updated baby stuff or needs opposite sex, etc...

Either way, if they are doing a baby reveal, I would not do a shower.  Just another little gift when the baby is born.  Believe me, kids grow out of stuff and  barely get to wear half the stuff they get!!  Well, you jknow that too, lol

[blbabe1234]

Yes, Gender Reveals are a new thing. Now, with that said, I've been invited to 3 of them and ALL THREE did NOT ask for GIFTS at their Gender Reveal parties. Baby Showers were held a couple of months later with where the parents were registered.

One of my closests friends had a gender reveal 2 yrs ago. It was more of a party than a gift thing. Godparents knew the gender of the baby and they had a bakery do the cake. We didn't play games but we did wear pins saying "Team Pink" or "Team Blue". After having 2 boys, she finally got her little girl. The cake was PINK inside! Everyone was so happy!

I think the younger generations are doing this because they've grown up with everyone celebrating SOMETHING constantly. I mean, the generation right below me have "participation trophies". In my day in age, you had a winner, a runner up and 3rd place. If you didn't win, you didn't win. End of story. You get over it. Plain and simple.

[hsblair]

Wow, I'm definitely old fashioned.  

[lissahope26]

Maybe Im old fashioned but what happened to being thankful for whatever you get?  It's the thought that counts?  That's what I was taught.

[emmapaige]

I think gender reveals itself are fun and some are very creative.  We didn't have that opportunity when my kids were born but we knew what each of the grandchildren were going to be before the birth. But there was never a party, it just was announced by word of mouth. Facebook wasn't even around for the three older grandkids and they are only in their teens. 

But I am highly offended by the Dollar Store and make your gift count remarks.  Who is throwing this party?  A family member or a friend? Your cousin may not know this was even included in the invitation.

It's kind of like when a couple gets married.  There is an engagement party - bring a gift.  There is a bridal shower - bring a gift.  There is the wedding/reception - bring a gift.  They say the costs of weddings are high - even for the guests!

[CarrieG]

gonna be possibly rude here but I have noticed with my older daughters friends....that so many of  the under 30's are just GREEDY pretty much
I have never seen a gender reveal with gifts!!!  that is what the shower is for.... REVEAL=revealing of gender  SHOWER=shower with gifts.........pretty much a no brainer............
ive learned over the years to just not go to functions that I am pissy about...cuz I wear it on my sleeve...LOL

[Christi S.]

My favorite part was "make sure your gift is useful."  GEEZ

[blbabe1234]

gonna be possibly rude here but I have noticed with my older daughters friends....that so many of  the under 30's are just GREEDY pretty much
I have never seen a gender reveal with gifts!!!  that is what the shower is for.... REVEAL=revealing of gender  SHOWER=shower with gifts.........pretty much a no brainer............
ive learned over the years to just not go to functions that I am pissy about...cuz I wear it on my sleeve...LOL
 

You nailed Carrie! You're just speaking of your mind and I totally agree. I have a handful of friends who under 30 -- closer to 30, but still in their 20's and wow...what a difference 5-9 years make. Those who are "greedy" think they are "entitled" because..hey..that's how society has instilled in their minds.

[Julie M.]

I have to agree with the consensus here. RUDE. A gender reveal is to find out what sex the baby is and surprise the parents along with the people there. Not to give gifts. The shower is when you give the gifts, because IF there was a gender reveal then you can decide to bring gender neutral or something specifically for a boy or girl. And to tell you where you can not shop, while telling you to bring something is icing on the cake. I am afraid I just wouldn't even go. That's something my granddaughter would do, because she is like that too, gets it from her mom (my step-daughter) and her other grandmother (my hubby's ex). 
 

[joannie]

Would it be rude to go but not bring a gift? You can tell them that you are waiting for the shower.

[sherelm]

gonna be possibly rude here but I have noticed with my older daughters friends....that so many of  the under 30's are just GREEDY pretty much
I have never seen a gender reveal with gifts!!!  that is what the shower is for.... REVEAL=revealing of gender  SHOWER=shower with gifts.........pretty much a no brainer............
ive learned over the years to just not go to functions that I am pissy about...cuz I wear it on my sleeve...LOL

 

You nailed Carrie! You're just speaking of your mind and I totally agree. I have a handful of friends who under 30 -- closer to 30, but still in their 20's and wow...what a difference 5-9 years make. Those who are "greedy" think they are "entitled" because..hey..that's how society has instilled in their minds.

Well my DIL must be one of the slow learners, she's 31 and a real brat.  She has to have a huge party for every birthday for herself, and she's lowered herself to having a pool party at my sister's pool when she was away - and not even asking permission - and then telling everyone they had to take their garbage home so my sister wouldn't find out.  At the wedding of her to my son, several guests came up and said "We've been to your pool, but we had to take our garbage home so you  wouldn't know."  OMG my sister was floored.  What is WITH this generation??? 

[love2stamp]

I agree with everything that has been said so far!! I've never heard of being asked to bring gifts to a gender reveal party. It's just a fun, creative thing to do. I wouldn't take a gift to both!! And then to be told what to bring, that's crazy, be thankful that you get anything!